I must confess, I’ve always known what a cowl neck collar looked like, but until recently (like moments ago) I thought they were actually called, cow necks. This never made any sense to me because it seemed a rather unflattering term for a piece of clothing. What does a big, floppy collar have to do with farming? But I never questioned it. After all, I’m sure the experts in the naming department at Fashion Headquarters (which is located in a super secret bubble under the ocean) know what they’re doing.
So when I bought this cute, mod-inspired, cowl neck sweater at a consignment store the other day, I looked it up to get it’s history by googling “cow necks” and just got a bunch of pictures of actual cows showing off bells around their necks. I not only discovered my mistake, but learned about some dairy farming traditions in Bhutan.
Yesterday, I left the house in this —
— a cowl neck sweater, skinny jeans and boots and I was feeling pretty good. After a few days of fashion blunders it felt great to be wearing something I felt confident in. I grabbed my purse, my children and my coffee and headed to the car giving one last big scratch as I always do to our pig, Hogan, and even bending down in his face to tell him how much I loved his piggy-self… and that’s when he sneezed in my eye.
Now a pig sneeze is not a dainty sneeze. It’s not like a fly sneeze or even a cat sneeze, done with relative quiet and very little output. A pig sneeze is like being hit at a hundred miles an hour with a cup of hot, slimy oatmeal. In addition to snot, it has dirt in it because Hogan spends his days digging everything up in our yard that is pretty. So the sneeze not only has volume, it has weight.
I stumbled backward blindly, shouting for my kids to help. Very much like the time I ran to them for assistance when I had a bunch of yellow jackets stuck in my hair and attacking my scalp, my kids did nothing except run inside the house and research foster care families they would prefer to live with.
On my own and still blind, I started scooping the snot out of my eye the best I could and when that didn’t seem to be working, I used my cowl neck sweater.
It was just the amount of fabric needed for the job, which proves that after all these years of calling it the wrong name, I was still somewhat right – these collars were meant for farming…