My version of a Thanksgiving story…

Bombshell – Day 27

Ever since we moved to the country seven years ago, we’ve had chickens.  And when I say “ever since”, I really mean it.  No sooner had our moving truck pulled into our first country rental house when I noticed chickens running around our new property. Apparently, the previous tenants had moved out and decided to just leave all their chickens without informing anyone of this decision.  Thus, our “city folks” chicken education began.  Now, seven years and probably a hundred chickens later, I can honestly say that I know a lot about these birds.

Cildren_Chicken

Like, for example, did you know that there are all sorts of different types of chickens?  They’re not all just “chickens”, as I assumed when I lived in a city.  Did you also know that roosters don’t just crow in the morning at sunrise, but all day long until you get so sick of hearing a rooster crow that you end up chasing them around the yard like a crazy person just begging them to shut their beaks for five minutes?  I didn’t know that either.  Did you know that hens (girl chickens) are really mean to each other?  Like meaner than any rich, popular high school girl you would see on a made for TV Lifetime movie?  For example, if you don’t separate a hen (girl chicken) when she is brooding (sitting on eggs), her other so called “chicken friends” will wait until her chicks are hatched and then peck her chicks to death?

Yes, I’ve watched a lot of strange chicken behavior over the years, but NONE stranger than the story I’m about to tell you.

We have always had free range chickens, which means that our chickens sleep in a really nice coop at night, but in the day they are free to happily peck around the yard, eating all the yummy bugs they want, taking luxurious naps in the sun and pooping on our porch so that I can step on it accidentally before I walk into our house.

chicks

This also means that when a chicken finally dies of old age, it usually happens in our yard, which makes it the worst “yard surprise” ever.  A few weeks ago, Buck discovered one of our older hens dead next to the swing set.  I went to investigate and after confirming she had definitely gone to the great chicken coop in the sky, I did what I always do — which is nothing.  I just wait until my husband gets home from work and let him dispose of the chicken (he takes it further down our property and leaves it for a wild animal to eat).

But here’s the thing — this time I forgot to tell my husband about the hen.  So the next day, I happened to look through our window when I noticed one of our roosters, Moe, prancing around the dead chicken doing a mating dance.  I thought, oh my gosh, does Moe not realize that chicken is dead?  Apparently not, because then Moe started to hump the dead chicken!  

Bombshell_Rooster_Mo_Chicken

Moe is not picky in the girlfriend department.

Wow, I thought.  We obviously have a really sick rooster on our hands.  Moe must have pecked too hard coming out of the shell because he seriously has some kind of brain injury.  But then our other rooster, Hope, came along and started to hump the dead chicken too!  Moe got very upset about Hope honing in on his action and they started to have a “No, that’s my dead chicken girlfriend” rooster fight.

This was all very horrifying and therefore, my kids and I watched it for the better part of a day.

At this point, you would think I would remember to tell my husband to remove the much sought-after, rigor mortis hen girlfriend.  But I still forgot.  It wasn’t until my husband came home from work completely distraught and disgusted and said, “Did you know the roosters are humping a dead chicken out there?”  That I then remembered to tell him.  My husband took the hen down to our wild animal eating spot and that’s where I assumed this story would end.

But it didn’t.

You see, what we didn’t know then was that our dog, Evelyn, had picked up the dead chicken and run around the yard with it, apparently removing it’s head.

Bombshell_Sheep_Dog_EvelynMy husband hadn’t noticed the missing head on the chicken when he took it down to the wild animal eating spot.  So the next afternoon, I happened to look out the window and see Hope doing a mating dance around an object I couldn’t identify… which was a flattened chicken head… which Hope then proceeded to hump… until Moe came along and they had a “No, that’s my dead chicken head girlfriend” rooster fight.

Bombshell_Rooster_Hope_Chicken

Hope lowers “chicken dating standards” for roosters everywhere…

At this point I sent my husband a text so that I wouldn’t forget to tell him to remove the party chicken head from our yard as soon as possible.

I know this isn’t actually a Thanksgiving story because it’s about chickens, and not turkeys.    But if you’re celebrating Thanksgiving tomorrow, have a happy one, and remember to be thankful that the dead bird in front of you isn’t in our yard.

20 Comments

  • vicki says:

    GOOD GRIEF!!! This has got to be by far the most hilarious story I’ve ever heard in my entire life!!!!! My family is all from West Virginia and my Mom grew up with animals and she always told me about how “dumb” the chickens were. hahaha. When I was growing up all we had were cats and dogs. We always let our cats outside (this was before everyone started yelling about how bad that is…..?). I guess this story is why. ha. One night my folks had gone bowling one evening down the road from our house, and on the way home they saw a cat dead on the road that had been hit by a car….as they got closer they realized it was our cat. The next day she was telling my brother and I (we were older, early teens). As she told the story of coming up on the cat on the road and realizing it was ours, she then got into more detail and described to us how the cat was flat….she said, “and I mean FLAT”…..”flat as a pancake”…..and as she related how flat this poor feline was to us, she started laughing, and then laughing hysterically, laughing until the tears ran down her cheeks and until she couldn’t stop. You know?, like that inappropriate laughter at a funeral or in church that you can’t explain and can’t control?? And, what made it even funnier and weirder to us was that it was so out of character for our sweet and lovely and meek and mild and gracious mother!! Up until reading this story of yours, THAT was the funniest thing I’d ever heard. hahaha. My Dad’s blood pressure spiked high this Thanksgiving and I had to get him to the doctor and have him stay with me to monitor (he’s ok), I didn’t get to be with my daughter and her family this year, I just started a new job that I’m not feeling very good about….and I just read this tonight….perfect….sooo needed a laugh. Thank you thank you thank you!!! Happy Thanksgiving Holly. All I can think right now is about Sheldon on The Big Bang, when he says “I’m not crazy, my mother had me tested”. hahahha.

    • My Year of Fabulous says:

      That’s a funny story, vicki — not the dead part, but the part about your mom laughing so hard. I hope you had a great Thanksgiving! Sorry to hear about your dad. Glad to make you laugh.

  • Hassanah says:

    OMG, this is soooo funny and because I know you, this story is not embellished!

    I think this story trumps the one where the dog hauled up the half decayed deer carcass up onto your bed….

    • My Year of Fabulous says:

      Unfortunately, this story isn’t embellished at all!!! My Martha Stewart life just gets better and better!

  • D Morton says:

    “This was all very horrifying and therefore, my kids and I watched it for the better part of a day.” Made laugh. Out loud. Alone.

    Also, makes appreciate the poor farmers who keep the free-range chickens whose eggs I eat. I now understand why they are so much more expensive.

  • lbtepa says:

    I was thinking we should get some chickens but I think I’ve changed my mind now….

    • My Year of Fabulous says:

      You should get chickens! Everyone should have chickens because I think even “free range” chickens aren’t treated very well at all. And your chickens will be happy and you’ll know exactly where your eggs came from.

  • jo says:

    I didn’t know chickens were this horrible. It was hilarious to read though – “No, that’s my dead chicken head girlfriend”is truly a great quote.

  • Vildy says:

    I grew up on a chicken farm and your story made me glad I spent so much time in my room :D

  • katy says:

    That story just made my day. After I was up all night making a cheesecake and feeling like nothing is going to make this morning better other than coffee, I was wrong. Coffee and that story made my day much happier. Although I am starting to rethink having chickens with two great Danes…might make for funny stories too

    • My Year of Fabulous says:

      Thanks! You know, I think it’s great to have chickens. Don’t let my story stop you. Our dogs don’t bother our chickens at all (except when they are dead and then they run around with the carcass.) Great Danes are so sweet. I bet they would be just fine with chickens.

  • bonnie brady says:

    just proving once again that men will be men no matter what species and even when youre dead it goes on and on

  • rednalgne says:

    Gee, I have never seen, “Shaun of the Dead” but isn’t it about a guy who doesn’t pick up on the fact that the people who are part of his boring daily routine have died and become zombies. I will be thankful today but I will also be giving a second look at the Moes and Hopes at my table, looking for signs and hoping that somebody remembers to leave me where the wild animals will find me.

    A great story, not the one I was looking for but great.

    Happy “Bombshell” Thanksgiving!

    • My Year of Fabulous says:

      I haven’t seen shawn of the dead either, but I heard it’s really funny. Hope you had a great Thanksgiving!

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