These things aren’t necessarily funny — like, I would’t try them at a stand up club on open mic night — but when I do them my kids think they are downright hilarious. So I thought I’d share and if you have something that makes your kids laugh, you can tell me and I can add it to my act. (It’s getting a little stale these days.)
10. Be the first to announce how disgusting your own cooking is. If I’ve made a meal that isn’t going over well, I’ll be the first to shout out how yucky it is. Something along the lines of, “Oh my God, this is disgusting! What was I thinking?” My kids always laugh and sometimes eat more of the meal. It makes them look brave to their siblings.
9. Pretend you can’t drive. This is great to stop kids arguing in the car — suddenly, pretend you can’t drive. Hit the brakes. Speed up. Slow down. Veer into the other lane. It’s hilarious! (not recommended for highways)
8. Burp. If you’re a professional and can burp the alphabet, your kids might actually wet their pants laughing. But really, any old burp will do. (Hey, I never said this was Algonquin round table stuff.)
7. Make fun of teenagers. My kids love it when I do this. I think it’s because they’re intimidated by how “cool” teenagers appear and it takes the edge off of it for them to laugh about it. Whenever I see a teenager, I pretend to get all nervous and when we drive by teenagers I yell, (with the windows up so the teenagers can’t hear me), “I love you, teenagers!” It gets a laugh every time.
6. Wear some of their clothes. Bill always gets a laugh with this one. He puts on some of the kid’s clothes and pretends he’s going to work. They don’t fit. He looks ridiculous. High comedy.
5. Act like a angry toddler. This one kills the older siblings. How often have they had to witness a toddler explosion and not be allowed to laugh about it? I like to go limp and let my kids pretend they have to drag me out of a store.
4. Do something really badly. It doesn’t matter what it is. It’s just nice for kids to see that their parents aren’t perfect. Once I tried to change a tire — I’ll just leave it at that. They thought it was the funniest thing they’d ever seen.
3. Walk out of a public bathroom with toilet paper dragging on your shoe. Buck finds this one too embarrassing for words, so I do it when he’s not around because it just slays Em and Aug.
2. Eat like a pig. This causes a mess, but sometimes it’s worth it. Let’s say we’ve all just opened individual bags of potato chips. Sometimes I’ll try to eat mine in the fastest, more horrible way possible. My kids love it because I’m always on them about manners. They, of course, start to eat their own potato chips like this. (That’s where the messy part comes in.)
1. Fall down. A classic. People falling down is just funny. My kids were having an arguing afternoon the other day when I accidentally fell out of a tree. As I lay on the dirty ground, all I could hear was screams of laughter! I thought, Wow, their day sure turned around. I’m sure if I’d broken my neck they’d still be laughing.
So that’s my bag of tricks. I can’t say I’m really proud of them, but there’s so many things I’m not proud of doing as a mom, these jokes are in good company.