When you have a hobby people tend to give you gifts based on that hobby. I’ve never had this happen to me before because I don’t think I’ve ever had a well-defined hobby. When I was a kid I used to get Holly Hobbie dolls, but that was really based on my name, not because of a love I had for playing with floppy cloth dolls. (I didn’t.) And of course, whenever I’ve been pregnant I’ve gotten a lot of baby-themed gifts, but I wouldn’t really call parenting a hobby. Unless of course, you think of a hobby as something that brings you an incredible amount of joy while draining the life out of you at the same time.
But in the last few years, I’ve started to notice a trend in the gifts I’ve been receiving and they fall under the category of “funny farm-related products for the hobby farmer”. Gifts have included a book on how to teach your pig tricks, a swing for your chickens and some goat bells. But none have compared to the latest hobby farm gift I received this Christmas —
The Chicken Diaper.
It’s from a website called, Pamper your Poultry that sells “designer chicken attire that is both stylish and comfortable”. It’s worth taking a look at this site even if you don’t have chickens. I mean, really, how often do you get to see a rooster in a homemade sweater? (Hopefully, your answer is not that often.)
The chicken diaper’s instructions are easy enough. You just snap the straps over each wing and put the diaper over it’s butt so that your chicken is ready for “mess-free fun” inside your house. I was excited by this gift because I just happen to have the perfect candidate to inhabit it–
Lacy comes in our house every day like clock work. She heads to the kitchen to look for food, then usually lounges on the couch a while with us, sometimes napping or just giving us cold, calculating stares before heading out to resume her life in the flock. Lacy doesn’t usually go to the bathroom in the house, which is one of the big reasons we let her in, but recently I noticed that she’s gotten a little more relaxed with her bathroom habits, so the chicken diaper came at the perfect time.
Except I can’t get Lacy to wear it.
It’s not that I’ve struggled to put it on her and she’s pecked me and run away. It’s that ever since the chicken diaper arrived, Lacy has refused to come in the house. I don’t know how she knows this, but she senses chicken clothing and will have no part of it.
At first I thought I was imagining this, but then it started to all make sense. After all, our cats have an amazing ability to hide right before going to the vet, our dogs make themselves scarce five minutes before I break out the dog shampoo and our kids can disappear in our yard faster than I can say, “Can you empty the dishwasher?”
All creatures are programmed to self-protect when it comes to doing things they don’t like. And now I’ve discovered with chickens, that means putting on an floral outfit with suspenders that catches your poop.
I’m going to keep trying though. I just need to be very zen about the whole thing. When I’m around Lacy, I need to clear my head of all thoughts of a chicken diaper, then grab Lacy when her guard is down.
At least that’s what I do with my kids and the dishwasher.