There are several mom fashion mistakes I always try to avoid. 1. Mom jeans. If I’ve learned anything from My Year of Fabulous, it’s that there’s no excuse to ever where unflattering jeans. The jeans market is vast, widely available and amazing, so why walk around in a pair of pleated Lady Wranglers? 2. Never, ever, ever, under any circumstances wear big, white sneakers. They are the Hallmark of poorly dressed Americans traveling abroad and matched with a pair of ill fitting jeans, the unofficial uniform of moms everywhere. 3. Avoid the giant mom backpack. I know we all have a ton of stuff to carry around, but the lumpy, five thousand pound Jansport backpack strapped on our backs is one of the final nails in our fashion coffins.
I am proud to say that for a couple of years now, I have successfully avoided the mom jeans and big white sneakers combo, but I have yet to shed myself of the Jansport backpack. I don’t use it that much, so I forget how ugly it is until the moment I’m putting it on. It just sits on a hook next to the washing machine waiting to make an outfit ugly for me. When I’m wearing it I always think, I really need to get a cuter backpack, then I put it back on the hook and forget about it completely until the next time I need it.
Like the other day. My kids and I went to a county fair, so I grabbed my Jansport, crammed a bunch of snacks, drinks and sweatshirts in it and headed out the door. After about five minutes at the fair, I noticed this horrible cat pee smell permeating the air. I was really expecting the delightful smell of fried dough and cotton candy (one of my favorite smells of all time), so I was completely confused and annoyed. I first smelled my kids. Do they smell like cat pee? Thankfully, no. Then I smelled people walking by me. Nothing. Then I smelled the guy operating the Zipper. Still nothing. (He just smelled like cigarettes and possibly pork rinds.)
It wasn’t until I got on my first ride and took off my backpack that the smell went away. It was there, on the Scrambler, I deduced what was going on. The cat pee smell was coming from the Jansport. I rooted through my backpack and sure enough, discovered some sopping wet, cat-pee coated Cliff bars and several dripping sweat shirts.
We have three cats. I don’t know who did it, but one of them managed to pee inside my backpack. Maybe they put each other up to it. Maybe it was a cat game of, Can you squat over this open backpack hanging on a hook and pee in it? It could have been an accident, but I doubt it. Dogs have accidents. Cats have vendettas. The pee had leaked onto my shirt so I did smell like a litter box the rest of the day, but no one seemed to notice and all in all, it was a great fun time at the fair.
On the way home, I realized there might be another reason one of the cats befouled my backpack. Quite possibly, they could have all be talking together one day and saying, Holly really needs to ditch that Jansport backpack. How can we help?
So for that, I thank you, cats. I will start shopping for a new backpack today.