Being a mom requires a lot of special qualities. Kindness, love, understanding, strength, courage and blah, blah, blah… I get it. We all get we’re supposed to act like Hallmark cards every day. And I do try my best to embody the qualities that make raising healthy humans necessary, but sometimes I’d love it if I could borrow some qualities from the animal kingdom.
1. The African Pyxie Frog can hibernate in a water soluble mucus sac for years.
I don’t think I’d like to hide in a mucus sac for years, but hiding in a mucus sac for an afternoon might be nice. Do I have enough room in my mucus sac to bring magazines and a latte?
Axolotls are underwater salamanders that can not only re-grow their limbs, but also regenerate complex organs such as their hearts and brains. After having three kids, I’d certainly love to regenerate my mommy brain as well as most of my female parts and my butt.
3. The Thorny Devil
This cute little lizard drinks with it’s skin. What a great mom quality that would be! You know how many drinks have been spilled on me over the years? I could have Slurpees, apple juice, chocolate milk and smoothies all sucked up right through my jeans. Yum!
4. Bombardier Beetle
These beetles spray a boiling-hot liquid out of their butts when they’re threatened. This quality would make going to the park a lot more interesting. Plus, my kids (especially my boys) would think having a mom that can shoot a super-heated noxious chemical out of her butt not only cool, but hilarious.
5. Alpine Ibex
Very helpful when your kid gets stuck up a slide, in a tube maze or ball pit. I’m not sure the Alpine Ibex can climb in a skirt, but I bet any mom could.
6. Turritopsis Jellyfish
This creature is nearly immortal. When it gets old it dives to the sea floor and folds in upon itself. Then it reverts back to its “polyp” stage and begins life anew.
This, by far, might be the most helpful animal quality for a mom. Often times I feel completely dead at night, but in the morning I don’t feel brand new. I just wake up feeling slightly less dead. Wouldn’t it be great to not just wake up, but wake up totally alive for the first time? Maybe it’s the sea floor part we’re missing. Perhaps Hammacher Schlemmer could make a sea floor moms could dive to every night.
But until then, I guess I’ll just have to take some Tylenol PM and dream of not being more like a Hallmark card, but being more like an animal.