Oh yeah, I almost died at 7-11

Wow, I’m going to die holding a bag of powdered donuts and a vitamin water.

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This is what I thought last week as I was taking a road trip to Los Angeles.  It was about one o’clock in the morning.  I had been driving for hours and I was so tired I could barely see.  I was listening to a book on tape — All Creatures Great and Small — which didn’t help at all because the soothing voice of the English man reading it was lulling me into a 19 century Yorkshire slumber.  I decided to stop at a 7-11 and buy some sugar-laden junk food to wake me up.  This idea got me excited immediately because my kids weren’t with me I could buy all the sugar I wanted to.  Heaps and heaps of it!  I was alone and I had my wallet.  It was a mom’s dream come true.

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But as soon as I pull up to the 7-11 it seems sketchy.  Guys in hooded sweatshirts milling around outside.  But whatever, I want my sugar.  So I march past the creepy crowd and inside the store where I start perusing the aisles for the things that I desperately want to eat but never eat because my kids are always around.  I grab a bag of powdered donuts — a whole bag — I can almost taste them in my mouth — and then  —

Two guys bust into the 7-11 and start screaming at the employees behind the counter.  The guys behind the counter were Indian (cliched, but true) and the guys screaming were Hispanic.  It was a race war immediately — and the Hispanic guys were screaming that they were going to kill the Indian guys for ripping them off.  They were screaming horrible racial things at each other.  Really, it was more angry race talk than a Trump rally.  In a few seconds, it had escalated so much that the Indian guys had pulled a bat out.

I just stood there staring at the scene and thinking, “So this is it.  I am going to be called an “innocent bystander” on the news.  I am going to be seen on the surveillance camera holding a large bag of powdered donuts as I am riddled with bullets.”

The Hispanic guys suddenly ran out.  I stayed frozen, thinking they must be going outside to get a bunch of automatic weapons and return so the riddling can begin.  If I ran outside right now, I would run right into them.  And then what about my sugar?  I’ve come so far, I couldn’t leave my sugar behind.

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So I calmly walked to the counter and placed my items down in front of the shaken employees.  They looked at me like, “Are your serious?  Didn’t you see what just happened?”  And I stared back, calmly and evenly… If you thought you had trouble with those other guys, just try stopping me from buying powdered donuts.

Just then, the door opened.  But it wasn’t the Hispanic guys.  It was a sketchy man holding a bottle of liquor in a paper bag.  He stopped several feet away from me, watching me as I fumbled with my wallet.  Then, he came closer, leaned over and whispered, “Hey Hot Stuff, I’ve never seen you here before.  What’s your name?”

And I thought, I am giving this 7-11 the WORST yelp review.

If I live.

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