Kids

I solve the race issue

I solve the race issue

I’ve been thinking a lot about race since the shootings. Not the shootings in the movie theater. Not the shootings of the military people. I’m talking three shootings ago, the ones in South Carolina. You know in America where the shootings fall like rain, you have to be really specific. As my kids and I watched Obama sing Amazing Grace, I cried. I felt sick to my stomach thinking about those African American people getting killed at their Bible study…

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Waiting for a hot dog behind Abraham Lincoln

Waiting for a hot dog behind Abraham Lincoln

For no real reason other than morbid curiosity, I decided to take my kids to a Civil War reenactment yesterday. Before we left the house I thought I should try to explain the Civil War to them so they’d have a better understanding of what they were about to see. This meant I had to explain slavery, which is something I’ve been avoiding doing up until now. It’s like saying, “Have you been having a nice childhood so far? Great….

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7-Eleven’s free slurpee day — a truly nauseating experience

7-Eleven’s free slurpee day — a truly nauseating experience

Sometimes as a parent, I just get so sick of parenting. I don’t mean the caring part of parenting, like giving someone a hug. I mean the responsible part of parenting. Always being the voice of reason.  Always seeing the big picture. Always saying no. Sometimes you just want to be reckless. And that’s why last Saturday, when 7-Eleven had it’s annual free slurpee day (July 11th), my kids and I went to not one, not two, not three, but…

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There are kids everywhere, all the time

There are kids everywhere, all the time

It’s become almost impossible to write. It’s not that I don’t want to write. It’s not that I don’t have things to say (regardless of how trivial). It’s not that my incessant need to be heard has diminished. It’s that my children are here, staring at me, all the time. They are staring at me right now, as I write this. No school. No camp. They had a couple of camps in June, but July and August are camp-less. They…

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What I don’t say when I talk to my kids about climate change

What I don’t say when I talk to my kids about climate change

Mommy, which garbage can should I put this bottle in? “The blue one is for recycling, which means your bottle is going to made into something else.” At least that’s what they say. Who knows really? That bottle’s probably going to end up in the great Pacific garbage dump with all the other ten billion tons of bottles, diapers, cans of Schlitz and condoms. Does buying recycled paper towels really help the Earth? “Absolutely, because it means fewer trees are…

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The lambs are here!

The lambs are here!

Emerson has been waiting since September for lambs and they are finally, finally here. Here’s Chip… And here’s Pip… They are Babydoll Southdown lambs. We got them because they are used in vineyards to keep the grass down and make lots of healthy poops to add nutrients to the soil. Plus, Babydolls are small sheep so they’re not tall enough to reach the grapes. We have an organic vineyard and it takes Bill HOURS and HOURS to mow it and…

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I guess they’re giving fawns to anyone these days

I guess they’re giving fawns to anyone these days

It seems like I got the pre-approval for the fawns.  I don’t know how this happened.  The only thing I can think is that they have fawns coming out of their ears and they’ll pretty much just hand them to anyone willing to bottle-feed an animal three times a day for four months.  (My suggestion — just ask anyone woman that’s ever breast-fed a child.  Three times a day for four months will sound like NOTHING to her.  Plus, you get…

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I can’t stop writing about chickens

I can’t stop writing about chickens

This story could also be called, “Children make awkward situations more awkward.” Okay, so here we are at the feed store ONCE AGAIN. I’ve been at the feed store so much this last month that I started looking at the clothes they sell there. Oh, here’s a nice plaid shirt. These overalls aren’t so bad. This bee-keepers hat might look good with some shredded jeans…. There’s a woman that works at the feed store that is one of the toughest,…

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14 signs your children have gone feral

14 signs your children have gone feral

When I pictured my future children, they always looked like they belonged in a Hanna Andersson catalog — perfect hair, matching pajamas, not a speck of dirt on them.  But the more kids I had, the more unruly they seemed to get, banding together with a wild look in their eyes.  Sure, I tried to keep my “catalog children” dream alive, but at some point I realized it was hopeless. My children had turned feral. Here’s what to look for…

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The one place you need to visit before having kids…

The one place you need to visit before having kids…

Paris?  Rome?  The Mall of America?  No, those places will still be there for you when the kids are in college and you have plenty of time to wander around posting way too many pictures on Facebook. The only place you need to visit before having kids is inside yourself. You need to get to know YOU before bringing any other yous into the world.  People always talk about how hard it is to have children — the sleepless nights,…

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